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How do I deal with my son's irrational fears?

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Hi Annie.

Recently my son has started to get really worried about me, I had to help clean up after a party the other night and left after the fireworks, and my husband put him to bed..and he cried for a straight hours thinking the fireworks were going to hurt me...

If he was 3 this wouldn't bother me but he is 7 now!   Then tonight I went to a friends to watch her kids for her for a while and again my husband put my son to bed and this time he cried for almost 4 hours screaming that he was scared something happened to me he kept saying "I think mom might be dead!!!"

This is scaring me big time I don't know what to do...I had a long talk with him telling him I would be ok and not to worry about me but I am just at a loss....please any advice will do!

Thanks Crystal

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Hi Crystal

Here are my thoughts.  This is a stage, an unusual one to be sure but fears popping up at seven are not out of the realm of possibilities.  In order to prevent it from becoming anything else than a transient fear, you must react as calmly as you can and simply re-assure him as long as he needs re-assuring but don't alter your behavior.  In other words, if you want to go somewhere...go.  Don't let the possibility of a reaction on his part, deter you.   If he gets in to a panic, talk to him calmly but try very hard not to give him a whole lot of extra attention for this behavior.  That means, don't talk about his odd behavior to anyone else in his hearing.  If you want to talk about it to your husband, make sure he's asleep first.  He must feel as though you expect him to behave completely normally.

The only thing that will make this behavior persist is if you inadvertently give him attention for it by reducing your activity and acting as though it really is a problem.  In other words, if you expect a problem, that's exactly what you'll get.  The trick is to act as though this is a passing fear and that you have confidence he'll soon be putting it to rest...which he will.

Hope this helps, 

All the best,

Annie

Date Entered: 2009-07-27 15:20:18.0
Date Last Modified: 2009-07-27 15:20:59.0

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