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How do I get my 7yr old to sleep by himself?

"Hi Annie,
 
II was looking for some information on line or rather some insight and there was your website.
 
My son is 7 yrs. old. He still needs one of us to lay down with him until he falls asleep. Help!
 
From the time he was a baby until about 18 months he always slept alone and had no problem going to sleep on his own. He developed a throat infection (linked to tonsillitis) I let him sleep with us during this time as he was really sick. It was all down hill from there. Although, when he has sleep overs he doesn't need me to stay with him.
 
I thought he would have out grown this need.
 
Please help!
 
Luisa

"

Hello Luisa

I wish there was a magic bullet to deal with this but unfortunately there isn't.  What it boils down to is that he has associated going to sleep with you and it's really just a question of breaking the habit.  He's already shown you that on sleep overs he can do it without you, so it's really just a question of him getting used to a new reality.  Give him your expectations up front.  I'd suggest saying something like  "You're now a big boy, 7 years old and it's time for you to learn to go to sleep in your own bed without mommy and daddy lying down with you.  From now on we're going to give you a cuddle, say goodnight and then we're going to leave.  That's when you need to go to sleep."

That's the easy part and then you have to stick with it.  Go in every half hour or so and re-iterate that you will not lie down with him and that it's time to go to sleep.  Stay calm, use a low serious tone of voice and be completely boring.  If he gets out of his room and comes to get you, simply replace him as many times as it takes.  Try to do it with a minimum of fuss and try to give him as little attention as possible.  You may have to take him back multiple times.  It may take much of the night the first time you do it, until he understands that you mean business and you won't budge.  Just remember, if you fold, it'll be doubly difficult the next  time so make sure you choose a weekend night when you can get some extra sleep.

He will most likely cause a huge fuss the first night, so you will be tired.  If you want, I would add an extra little incentive.  Be totally boring the day after, if he has kept you up taking him back to his room constantly.  Whenever he wants to play or do something fun, you say "I'm sorry but I'm so tired"  Maybe tomorrow I'll get a better rest and then I'll feel like doing something with you.  It's surprising how quickly children change when they figure out it's in their best interest to do so. 

All the best,


Annie

Date Entered: 2008-09-22 16:02:24.0
Date Last Modified: 2008-09-22 16:04:46.0

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