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How do I get my daughter to stop interrupting me!

"Hi Annie

Have you got any ideas about what to you with a child that interrupts all the time? I'm a foster mother and I have a three year old girl that never lets me have a minute on the phone without her constantly pulling at me and interrupting. She shouts if I leave her longer than a few seconds and the only way I can get a chance to talk on the phone is to run to the bathroom, where she ends up banging on the door. I do play with her and spend time with her. Why can't she let me have a minute to myself?

Janet

"

Hi Janet

The demands of having parental responsibilities can make the best of us sometimes want to run to the bathroom for a few minutes break, so I understand where you're coming from. That being said, I don't know how long you've been caring for your foster child or what sort of experience she's had to date or indeed even if she's is an only child, but regardless, learning to be considerate of others is an important skill. Behavior like this common in this age group as kids grapple with life seen only from their point of view. Man learn the polite phrases such as 'excuse me' but still interrupt anyway.

If you're giving your little girl one on one attention that's great, as lack of that attention is often a contibuting cause of chronic interrupting. It's simply a cry for attention because the child's need for satisfying contact is not being met. I would also ignore phone calls during those one on one times with her and let callers leave a message. Let her be your entire focus during those periods.

To stop the difficult behavior when you are on the phone. Explain to her, that you're no longer going to the bathroom and that you expect her to be polite and wait her turn when you are on the phone. Firstly, explain the difference between common interrupting, because she doesn't want to wait and a true emergency. Role playing can be helpful to teach her the difference between the two. Then I would try the 'set up' technique. It's one that's worked well for me and it offers children supportive practice learning not to interrupt. If you're a good enough actor you can pull this off yourself, if not, you might need the help of a patient friend or family member.

This is how it works. When she is not looking press the button and get the phone to ring. You can even use the base if you have a cordless phone, as she will not likely differentiate between the ring indicating there is a caller and 'find the phone' ring tone. Pretend there is somebody on the other end. If you're acting skill is good enough your little girl will start to cause a problem. Put your hand over the phone as if there was someone there, kneel down on her level and tell her that you are on the phone and that she must wait. Go on to say that when you are off the phone she will have your full attention. Follow through. Pretend you are having a delightful conversation. If she continues to cause a problem, put your hand over the phone again, bend down and tell her that if she cannot be quiet or stop pulling you, she will have to go to the naughty place. Return to your conversation, If she still doesn't stop, offer one more warning and then act. Take her to the naughty place and leave her there. If she comes out, put her back. You may have a lot of screaming going on but at least you won't have the stress of trying to deal with a 'real person' on the end of the line.

Let her spend a minute per year of age in the naughty place, but if she isn't quiet when she comes out repeat the process (including warnings). Let the 'conversation' last just 1 minute over and above the time it takes her to quiet down. Then hang up. Thank her for being quiet at the end. Now give her your attention. Later, repeat the process. Spread the calls throughout the day, but don't overwhelm her and extend the program to the next several days if you need to. I assure you that she will get the message. Just remember to praise her after a call when she does not interrupt and if she behaves, scale down on the duration of the calls. Just throw in one longer one every once in a while to make sure she doesn't revert. Believe me, it might take a few days, but it works! Just remember to warn everyone in advance, so you can limit the amount of real phone calls during your practise run. Best of luck

Annie

Date Entered: 2006-10-23 15:41:30.0
Date Last Modified: 2006-10-23 15:46:32.0

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