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Ex lets our five year old fall asleep on the couch

"Dear Annie

My ex husband and I have been divorced now for almost three years. We have a son together and I now have a new baby with my current husband. Our baby girl is almost two months old and my son is five. I don't know what to do about my ex as he lets our five year old do whatever he wants at his house. His father doesn't bother with any bedtime routine and instead allows him to fall asleep on the couch. We share custody but when he comes back from his dad's he's always whiny and over tired. I've tried talking to my ex about it, but he doesn't want to listen. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Any ideas?

Christina

"

Hi Christina

That's a tough one as essentially one half of your son's life is outside of your control. Other than to keep trying to reason with your ex, there really isn't much you can do about the time he spends with his father. My advice therefore, is to stick with the area that you do have influence. No doubt having a new baby makes it more difficult, but try to make it a situation of your house, your rules and make those rules very clear. As he gets older, he will no doubt appreciate the order that exists when he comes to spend time with you. But in the meantime, that routine will make him feel safe and provide him with the boundaries that are so important at his age. On transit day keep your expectations reasonable because he does need some adjustment period. That doesn't mean you have to accept really bad behavior but try not to make an issue of something unless it's really important. Also, make his bedtime routine really relaxing and enjoyable. If your ex is letting him fall asleep on the sofa, then I'm guessing your son's not enjoying much of a bedtime story period. I don't know what kind of bedtime routine you have at the moment or if your husband is around during the evening to help you out, but creating a relaxing one on one story time period just for him, will help him adjust faster to your routines and be something he can always look forward to. Best of luck with this.

Annie

Date Entered: 2006-06-26 12:09:36.0
Date Last Modified: 2006-06-26 13:22:21.0

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